Art, Travel & Life in Italy & Europe

11 Reasons my Husband Hates the Mountains in Summer

My husband Tommaso has never wanted to go to the mountains in the summer. While in wintertime we enjoy the Dolomites for snowboarding, whenever I suggest going back in the hot months he says non mi piace la montagna d’estate – I don’t like the mountains in the summer. Here are the many reasons the mountains just suck in the summer, according to him.

1) It’s for old people

Hiking the Falzarego pass isn't so easy, but it is rewarding

Hiking the Falzarego pass isn’t so easy, but it is rewarding

Yeah, because 80 year olds with canes can hike up this high.

2) It’s not really much cooler than the city

Not cold.

Not cold.

I am not cold at all, I am just wearing an orange down-stuffed jacket to avoid getting shot by a stray bullet.

3) But in the summer I want to be near water

A photo posted by @webtommy on

Yeah, cuz there are no lakes at 1000 meters, no streams and no waterfalls in the mountains. And if there are, they’re ugly.

This is a really ugly stream

This is a really ugly stream

 

4) The food sucks

These mountain people are not food stylists.

These mountain people are not food stylists.

Apparently, there’s no good food in the area, and what they do have, they don’t know how to display properly.

5) I have nothing to wear

The mountain man look doesn't suit me

The mountain man look doesn’t suit me

But honey, you can wear your nice hipster plaid shirt from COS, those fashionable shorts you just bought, and your hiking boots. You’ll look the part.

6) But I can’t bring my dog

Even if we don't have a dog, we adopted this one while hiking

Even if we don’t have a dog, we adopted this one while hiking

OK, we don’t have a dog, but if we did, the dog would have a blast. Maybe we should rent one.

If your dog hates walking...

If your dog hates walking…

 

7) There’s nothing to do

hundreds of km's of bike trails

hundreds of km’s of bike trails

Apparently there is a huge dearth of sports and other activities in the Dolomites, due to the prevalently elderly population mentioned above.

Tennis in the mountains at Hotel Armentarola

Tennis in the mountains at Hotel Armentarola

 

8) There’s nothing interesting to look at

Nothing here.

Nothing here.

Everything is just the same boring landscape.

The view up at the Falzarego mountain pass is not impressive at all.

The view up at the Falzarego mountain pass is not impressive at all.

 

9) The milk is not really that fresh

Is this THE Milka cow from the chocolate packaging?

Is this THE Milka cow from the chocolate packaging?

mountaincow2

Met these guys on the walking path

Yeah, there are no cows eating all that yummy mountain grass.

10) The hiking paths are too challenging

It's easy for him, his daddy is carrying everything.

It’s easy for him, his daddy is carrying everything.

We met a three year old on the hiking path who did it faster than we did.

11) I like fish in the summer

Risotto allo zafferano with King Prawns

Risotto allo zafferano with King Prawns

Yeah, cuz there are no fish in the mountain streams and lakes. And they don’t import anything from the rest of Italy. Nor do they know how to cook it at luxury hotels like Hotel Armentarola.

Seppie and polenta

Seppie and polenta

Next summer, he doesn’t want to go back. Nope, not at all.  

 

[When the same pictures tell a different story…]

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By: arttrav

Alexandra Korey aka ArtTrav is a Florence-based art historian and arts marketing consultant.